Prom Fall

I'm sorry. So this was the end of our dance. She had just said, "I keep catching the front of my dress." I just said, "go faster." I'm an ass.

I am not a Madonna fan.

You have to click on the old lady for the .gif to play.

I found this on Tyler Oakley's Tumbr.

You are family.

I have always said that my friends are a part of my family but when I heard a saying on New Years Eve I discovered the perfect saying for me. "If you're family, you're  family. If you're friends, you're still family." It was the perfect summary to include everyone in my family and not belittle anyone. I have always been this way. I don't know why. I would give someone every last cent in my bank account and every stitch off my back if they needed it. I really do love this aspect of my personality. I love when I have caring thoughts and I love the satisfaction of helping people. I want you to know, if you ever need me, I'll be there. Talk/text/face2face/anythingelse.

Animals are adorable.

True :)

No What Ifs

My motto in life and my future tattoo. "No what ifs." Thank you Katie Wasden-Warby.

My sisters.

I made this blog to vent about my life. The good and the bad. In this case one sister has been good, and one has been...sort of bad.
Kisha has been good to me. She has always been the supportive sister that always want to talk. I have lots of wonderful memories with her. I remember when I was really young and couldn't sleep, I walked into the kitchen and was just staring out the window. Kisha came out and asked me what was wrong. I don't remember why I felt the way I did but I replied, "I don't feel like I fit into this family." I don't even remember what she said or even if she remembers this but I know she comforted me and took be into her room and we watched a movie. I have hundreds of memories of us in Payson and Santaquin when she lived there and was going to school. We spent so much time together. She has been the only one in my family to ever ask me about how I was doing. If I was seeing anyone. She didn't just do that to be nice, she did it because she cared.
Kandice on the other hand has not really ever been a good sibling in my eyes. She was always rude to me, she blamed things on me, she snapped at me and picked on me. I found out that she outed me. She found my phone and went through it and then outed me. She and her husband were having a rough time a couple of weeks ago and I stood up for her at a family function. She had put something on Facebook and it caused a lot of talk. When I said I'm sick of covering for her she told me off. She has always been that way. I still love her, she'll always be family, but she's just never been that great to me.

Thank you Mom and Dad.

I told them thank you but I want the world to know how incredible my parents are. Just like ever person and their parents, we had our "disagreements." It was hard at times to get along with them but I've always know that I could count on them to always be there. When my mom asked if I was gay I wanted to die. She knew. I knew that she did ever since I revealed my favorite show was Desperate Housewives and she told me it was ok if I liked boys. I believe I was 13 at the time. So it was 2009 when my mom asked if I was gay. I had came out to pretty much everyone else in 2008 but just had no idea how to tell my parents. I had two older sisters that were married or getting married and starting to build families. There was all the expectations for me to do the same. I didn't want to hurt them. I couldn't. When it rains in my life, it pours. Around the time when I was "gearing up" to tell my parents my friend had an accident with my four-wheeler and totaled it. This drove a wedge between us and delayed my progress from months of having my friends build me up. One day I woke up and realized I didn't know how long it had been since I had talked to my parents. I felt like this would be how it would be when they found out that I was gay. I didn't like this feeling. Back to the story though. So my mom walked into my room. Sat down at my desk and just asked if I was gay. I just pulled the trigger and said yes. I didn't know what to expect next. I was freaking out. She hugged me and told me that she loved me no matter what. She was worried about me. She asked if I was picked on and if I was ok with who I was. She then even asked if I wanted to be a girl. I'm not exactly sure what was going through her head but she followed that with, "cause we'll do whatever it takes to make you happy." They actually supported me. It was mind blowing. Though we went back to never talking about it, (That's just my family. No one talks.) I always look back at that day with a warm heart.

Thank you JP and LA.

I have always thought that you can never thank someone enough for doing something for you. Here again is a thank you to Jill Porter and Launa Albrecht. I doubt they will ever read this but they influenced me so heavily in High School and even now. They are two people that I ALWAYS felt like they genuinely cared about me. Walking down the line of teachers I stopped at them for so long. I couldn't say thank you enough. I couldn't quit crying long enough to form a sentence. I love them so much and will always be in debt to them.

Jill (my principle) just held me as I cried.

Launa told me she was proud of me and to stop crying. This was a happy day.

New Favorite Show

Last Episode of Season 1

So, (thanks to a friend) I have discovered Modern Family. I don't know how I have never watched this show. It is amazing. I watched every episode in 3 days. From the first episode I fell in LOVE with Gloria. I have no idea why. I just love her. It is an incredible show.

USGA

Back in November I was on a panel for the Utah County chapter of PFLAG. (Parents Family and Friends of Lesbians And Gays) At this panel I learned about this incredible group called Understanding Same Gender Attraction from two of the groups members/leaders. To say that they impacted me is an understatement. I was never very religious and because of my sexuality, I was actually glad that I didn't grow up with heavy religious influence. I THOUGHT that being gay was hard but I have no idea what hard is. Hearing stories from two people that I had just met before changed me. 

When asked why I traveled to Provo every Thursday for the USGA meeting I would just answer, "I don't know. USGA means something to me. I don't know why. It just does." There are a couple of reasons that I think I love it so much. The first is to be around these incredibly strong people. To hear their amazing stories and to grow as a person. The second is to expose someone else to it. I have only taken the same person once. I try to take someone with me that I feel would benefit from going through one of these meetings. Third is I feel comfortable there. I usually sit and quietly listen but, I'm comfortable. Happy even. I really don't know if any of these things are why I love USGA but the list could probably go on and on. It is just amazing. I have met incredible people and learned things about myself that I never knew existed. I just want to thank those who make USGA happen every week. You are amazing people and I am amazed by you.

Back to Blogging.

So, I think this is like my fifth attempt at a blog. I don't know why I can't keep a blog or even why I feel the need to create one in the first place. Lately I've needed a forum to just vent. I have had a lot on my mind and I just need to write it somewhere. Lucky you! Stay tuned!